I've always done things the hard way or the wrong way. My parents and my family have always thought it and I totally agree. One of the things I did the hard way was education and work. I was bright at school but left sixth form after three weeks due to bad subject choices for my A Levels, ending up at college doing a business admin course that I had no interest in. This led to years upon years of working in endless mundane secretarial jobs, all of which I hated, but felt there was no escape from. It was only when I reached 30 in 2005 that I realised it was now or never. I had to get out. So I had a think what I may want to do and came up with working with children (I'd always been good with them. In fact I had one of my own. More of that later). I sent my CV and a very well put together begging letter out to lots of nurseries and schools and finally St Hilda's School (a private school near my home) took pity on me. I interviewed for a position in their 0-3 unit and, despite being told at the interview that I was going up against people with qualifications and experience (of which I had none in this field), I got the job. After a year or so (and after studying for my NVQ Levels 2 and 3 whilst I worked), I moved into the school as a teaching assistant and got the bug. I decided then and there that I wanted more and that I was going to be a teacher one day. The only problem was that I do things the hard way don't I. And therefore I didn't have a degree did I. So to rectify that I applied to the Open University in 2008 and began the arduous task of completing an honours degree whilst working full time. It's been frustrating, time consuming, mentally exhausting and exciting all at the same time. During this period, I moved to another school in the same foundation in 2010, Sunny Hill House, and in May 2012, I submitted the final assignment for my BA (Hons) Open Degree. As I write, I am nervously awaiting the results for this last module and my overall classification and I am hoping I do ok. I am hoping this because, against all odds, I have managed to gain a place on the Graduate Teacher Programme commencing in September 2012. I'm moving on again. So after two NVQ's and a degree, I am finally on my way to becoming a teacher. It's been a long, difficult road to get to this point and the next path I take on the GTP will be even tougher. I could have done my A Levels and done a teaching degree like most other sensible people but as I said, I do things the hard way.
Another area of my life that I manage to screw up at every turn is my love life. I had my first proper boyfriend at 16 and then when I was 17 I met the father of my son. He was 11 years older than me and my parents didn't approve. In fact no one did. Except me. And him. Anyway, I won't go into details but after almost 5 years I discovered I was pregnant at the age of 21. Here's the hard way coming out again! Things didn't work out between me and Mr 11 Years Older after that and myself and my son haven't seen him for over 11 years. During those years, I had one other serious boyfriend who we lived with for several months but that didn't work out either and since then, I've been pretty much single. And it sucks. All my friends are either married or in relationships and most of them tell me I'm onto a good thing being single. But people in relationships always say that because they envy the freedom. The freedom would be all well and good if I had a great job with plenty of money but as yet I'm a struggling pauper who is desperate to make ends meet. Thus meaning I can't do much with the freedom I have. And freedom is great but it doesn't help you pay bills, wash up for you when you're tired after a long day, treat you to a nice meal out, cuddle up to you on the sofa or share the trials and tribulations of raising a child. Don't get me wrong, my son is the best thing that's ever ever happened to me and I couldn't be prouder of him. He's a wonderful boy and always has been. He's kind, loving, intelligent and a good person. And we've never missed that father figure being around due to his close relationships with both my dad and my late brother. But it must be nice to have someone to share parenting decisions with and not have to have all the responsibility of another person's future in your single hands. Once again, I did things the hard way. I had a baby very young and with the wrong person and it's been difficult. But my son is just about the only thing in my life that I'm proud of and that I feel I've done well at so I wouldn't change things. I just wish that I'd met someone, got married and had another child and this time done it the right way. That's my only regret. Because I'm 37 now and that's probably not going to happen. And that makes me sad.
So maybe one day, I'll tell you about the other stuff I did the hard way. Maybe not. But hopefully this time next year, at the grand old age of 38 I'll be a fully qualified teacher. And who knows, maybe one day the right man will come along. My friends and family constantly tell me 'it'll happen' but I really am sick of waiting. Mr Right, if you're out there, can you hurry up please. I've paid my dues in the singles club and I really need my happy ending. And after doing things the hard way for so long, I think I deserve it
Vicki
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment