London 2012 - Loving it

As anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm not a very sporty person. I never have been.  I hated PE at school and would do anything to get out of doing the cross country running!! I always went to dancing class throughout my childhood and teenage years and that was enough for me.  As I've got older, I still love to dance and enjoy going to the gym (or I used to when I could afford it!!) and swimming but I'm still not a sporty kind of a girl.

However, I do enjoy watching certain sports.  Not your usual football or rugby (which I really just can't get into) but things like tennis, swimming, athletics, ice skating and in particular gymnastics.  I became a fan of this at a very young age and it's something I wish I'd pursued as a kid.  I read books about all the famous gymnasts of yesteryear such as Olga Korbut and Nadia Comaneci and learned the names of the moves and the scoring systems etc.  As an adult, I still love to watch and have had some very enjoyable times watching superb gymnasts over the years.  My ultimate favourites had to be the 'dream team' from the USA who performed at the Olympics in Atlanta in 1996.  They, to me, epitomised the sport and to this day remain a benchmark to which all other gymnasts should aim to reach.  Indeed, I can remember videoing (yes videoing) their performances, particularly the gala, and watching them over and over again.

When it was announced that London would be hosting the 2012 games, I was excited to think that I may get tickets to be able to watch the gymnastics but it was not to be.  However, I refuse to let that dampen my Olympic and gymnastic loving spirit.  I watched the wonderful opening ceremony with joy and pride in our nation and was entranced at everything that unfolded on my screen in glorious HD.  And I have spent most of today and yesterday ensconsed on my sofa taking pleasure in the athleticism, grace and flexibility that has been displayed by the male and female gymnasts during qualifying.

The Olympics gives us the opportunity to watch sports that we would never usually entertain and in between the gymnastics I have seen some archery, beach volleyball, boxing, badminton and rowing, to name but a few.  Fascinating.

Of course I'm 100% behind Team GB and think we could do really well in these games but regardless of that, I am looking forward to enjoying a couple of weeks of fantastic competition by inspiring and dedicated athletes in all sports.  And after that, I will return to my non-sport loving, usual self.  Until the winter when the ice skating returns that is :)

Enjoy the games and be proud of your country and your team.  Whoever they may be.  Good luck everyone.  Let the games begin!!!

Vicki

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The loneliness of a long term single mum (even worse than being a long distance runner believe me)

I have been a single mum since my son was born 15 years ago.  I have had the occasional relationship (as previously discussed - disaster.com) since but I have always considered myself a single parent.  My son has not seen his father since he was just turned 4 and thus he has always only had me.  Of course, his maternal grandparents play a huge role in his life as do other family members but ultimately, at the end of the day, it's always just been me and him.  Which was fine when he was little.  He needed me then.  But now he's 15.  Ok, he still needs me for practical things like cooking his tea, doing his washing, cleaning the house and driving him to places.  He needs me to remind him to have a bath or brush his teeth, get him up for school or tidy his room.  He even needs me to talk to about things and he needs me for a hug now and then (moments which I cherish and feel lucky to have). But on a day to day basis, he needs me very little.  He spends the majority of his time in his room, playing X Box or being on his laptop, chatting and laughing to friends through his headphones.  In fact, I see little of him in the evenings, at weekends and in the holidays.  Only when its time for a meal does he surface and then after he's eaten generally he's back up to the room.  I don't blame him for this.  He's a teenager.  He does what most teenagers do and to be honest I'd rather him be like he is than hanging around on the streets doing god knows what till all hours.  At least I know he's safe and happy. It's me that's the problem not him.  Take today for example.  The first nice sunny day we've had in Yorkshire in what seems like an age and what have I done? I've messed around on the computer, watched TV, done a huge pile of ironing, played some games on my iPhone and generally mooched around the house not having a clue what to do with myself.  And now here I am.  Writing about it on my blog.

The problem is two fold.  The first part being that I have no spare money whatsoever to do anything fun or exciting.  And the second being that I have no one to do anything with.  Even something free like going for a walk or sitting in the garden.  This problem is something that's been an issue for some time now.  My son isn't interested in going out for the day like we used to regularly when he was younger.  He doesn't want to pass time in museums or walking in the park or going for a picnic.  But I do.  I would love to do those things.  But you can't really do them on a regular basis on your own.  Ok, sometimes I go to a museum or a gallery by myself.  I've been known to visit the cinema or theatre alone if there's something on I really want to see.  I go shopping alone (usually not to buy anything due to the no money thing!).  But after a while it becomes draining and you feel lonely and sad when you see people all around you chatting and laughing.  Couples, families, friends.  It's really hard.  I have friends, don't get me wrong.  But as I've said before, they all have partners and some have young kids and although they do their best to see me, they have their own lives and their own memories to create.  My parents are great to me and take me places and do stuff with me if I want to.  But at the end of the day I'm 37 years old and I should be doing things with my own family.  That family that I always wanted.  Me and my son and a lovely partner and maybe some more kids.  That's what I've dreamed about for so long.  But to this day it eludes me. I really don't know why.  Ok, I have low self esteem (I'm overweight and hate everything about the way I look), I'm shy with people I don't know and have always always felt that I'm not good enough.  I'm a jack of all traders, master of none. Ok at several things but not great at anything.  And I've always wanted to be. Maybe this is sub consciously emitting from my pores or something straight into the make up of every man I meet.  When I was younger, I was never short of attention.  I was slim and confident.  But as the years have gone by, things have gone seriously downhill.

I'm so conscious of the fact that I'm wasting my life.  I very rarely have any fun and there's so much I want to see and do with my life.  Obviously money is a huge problem.  There's not much you can do without it.  But the being alone thing is the biggest issue.  My only sibling, my beloved brother, passed away almost a year ago aged only 33.  He was the most wonderful person you could ever hope to meet.  He was kind, generous, funny, laid back, happy, brave and loving.  All the things I'm not.  He never got uptight or stressed, he never judged anyone, he made the most of every opportunity and saw and did more in his 33 years than I could ever hope to do.  Once again, everything I'm not.  But would love to be.  After he died, I told myself I would try and be more like him.  Make the most of opportunities, do more with my life.  But I haven't.  Because I don't know how.  And unlike him - who had a wife who loved him more than anything and supported him through the journey of life, seizing the day alongside him - I'm alone.  I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, I'm just stating facts.  It's hard being a single parent of a teenager.  It's hard having no money to do anything or go anywhere.  And it's hard being alone.  I know there's so many people in the world who are worse off than me and there's probably loads of people reading this thinking 'she doesn't have a clue what struggling is' but this is my life and I'm struggling in it.  Lots of bad things have happened to me over the past 4 or 5 years - some of which are too personal to go into, that even my family don't know about - things that have changed my life forever and made me into the person I've become.  One I don't like very much.  And one that I'd like to change.  Maybe one day, I'll get past some of the bad stuff and walk out a different person. But until then, if anyone fancies a walk through the park or a picnic in the sunshine, please let me know.  Because it would be a shame if I have to spend any more sunny days sitting at the computer.  It really would.

Vicki

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Blacker Hall Farm Shop - The Jewel of Wakefield

This morning I have spent time in one of the little gems that Wakefield has to offer, Blacker Hall Farm Shop.  I love this place.  It brings a touch of class to a town that is sometimes lacking in that area and never fails to disappoint.  On this particular visit, my parents and I decided to try out the Blacker Hall Cream Tea in the cafe/restaurant known as The Barn, which at £3.50 sounded like a bit of a bargain.  And once again, they didn't let me down.  Three beautifully presented plates of fruit scone, individual pot of strawberry jam, pile of juicy, fresh strawberries and a huge scoop of luxurious clotted cream arrived on our table together with a tea, a coffee and a decaff coffee (mine - I only drink decaff - migraines!!) and we tucked in with gusto!!  Needless to say, mine didn't last long even though I attempted to savour every delicious mouthful.  £3.50 was definitely a perfectly reasonable price to pay for this wonderful treat.  Each time I visit the Barn, I am always delighted with the service, the quality of the food and the atmosphere which is relaxed and calm.  In fact, if I go for lunch with friends, we often spend a few hours just sitting, chatting, eating and drinking and generally having a great time.  Highly recommended

As for the farm shop, where do I start? The shop has recently been extended which is a huge improvement because, as the shop is so brilliant, it always gets busy and this extra space makes the world of difference.  As usual, I was spoilt for choice as everything looks fresh and delectable - from the butchery (where the butchers are always willing and happy to help you with your choices and offer cooking advice with a friendly smile) to the deli counter, filled with wonderful cheeses, amazing quiches, salads and my son's favourite, the famous Blacker Hall sausage roll - and everything in between.  There are several new lines since my last visit and I purchased, among other things, a yummy looking 'made in Yorkshire' pizza that I can't wait to try.  I really love the fact that the shop champions local produce, making much of what they sell themselves with the majority of the rest being sourced from local farmers, growers and small companies, making them all the more special. 

Please visit this wonderful shop and show your support to Edward, Cheryl and the rest of the Garthwaite family who, along with their employees, do an fantastic job of showing just what treasures Yorkshire has to offer.  And they do it with class and style, welcoming their customers with open arms into what must be fast becoming the best farm shop in the North of England.

Vicki

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Sooty aka Mrs Jekyll and Miss Hyde

As a child I never had a pet.  Not one.  My parents just wouldn't let me.  They used to say 'when you've got your own house you can get one then' like most parents who don't want a pet around do.  It took me until the age of 35 to finally succumb and then it was a matter of deciding what to get.  My son wanted a dog but the thought of walking it in the pouring rain, freezing cold and dark wintery nights was too much for me and so we compromised on a cat.  I decided not to get a kitten as I didn't have the time to invest in toilet training it etc and so we went for a 10 month old rescue cat called Sooty.  We picked her out in a kind of rogues gallery on the Leeds Cat Rescue website one Monday night in January 2010.  That same night we emailed the centre and got a reply back almost instantly.  Apparently black cats are hard to rehome (superstitions I assume) and they offered us a visit to Sooty in her 'foster home' in Leeds.  Awwww.  Anyway, we went to see her, loved her straight away, paid our adoption fee which covered all the necessary stuff like spaying, micro chipping, injections, vets check up, flea and worm treatment and the like and by the Friday of the same week she was delivered to our home.  The new member of the Wilkinson clan had arrived.

For the first couple of weeks she was an angel.  We had been warned that she may be nervous as she had lived on the streets most of her life and had more than likely been mistreated but she seemed fine at first.  Then, several weeks in, she changed.  She became a living nightmare.  She attacked us at every turn, scratched, bit, anything she could do.  During one dark moment I even considered sending her back. But I knew I wouldn't do that with a child that had come from a troubled background so I wasn't going to do it to her.  We persevered with her - showing affection, giving her treats, playing with her.  Eventually she began to mellow and slowly we began to gain her trust.  The longer we had her the more I loved her and it felt like she'd always been there.

These days, Sooty is still unpredictable.  She can lash out occasionally, she tries to grab our ankles if we dare to leave to go to bed and she sometimes takes a dislike to my dad when he visits. But she also sits on my lap, loves to be stroked and tickled, enjoys playing with her many toys and lays across my body as I sit on the sofa watching TV.  She even kisses me on occasion.  She loves to be where we are much of the time even if she's just laid on the rug whilst we watch TV but she also enjoys peace and quiet upstairs when the urge takes her.  I'm so glad that I persevered with Sooty because she's been a fantastic addition to our little unconventional family and we love her dearly.  Recently I took the photographs above of Sooty as she played on the rug.  As she lay on her back I noticed the little white patch on her stomach appeared to be in the shape of a love heart.  Sweet.  And significant.  Because Sooty has found her forever home with  us and despite her foibles, we will always love and care for her.  And the fact she has a personality just endears her to us even more (remind me I said that when she's grabbing my legs at bedtime tonight)

Vicki

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Competitions

I've recently started entering competitions on Twitter and Facebook and am really enjoying the ease with which you can win things.  Most of the Twitter comps just require you to follow and RT (which is pretty easy you have to admit) and the FB ones are generally just liking the page.  In fact, since beginning this little sideline around two weeks ago, I've won £10 credit on the Red Spotted Hanky train ticket website, a necklace, a meal for two in a restaurant in Berlin (not quite worked out how I will claim this yet!!!) and just today I have won an item of clothing from an online retailer and a dress for both me and my best friend in a Twitter comp.  This one was slightly different as you had to say why your BFF deserved the prize and they chose my answer as the winner.  Well my BFF is the best so that's why.  I told them how supportive she had been since the tragic death of my younger brother last August and how she treats me so often because of my abject poverty and it was about time I did something for her.  All this is true by the way.  She is amazing and I only wish I could do something more to show her how special she is. But I suppose winning a dress for her is a little bit of something nice.

Anyway, I intend to continue with my competition ventures and I will keep you posted as to anything else I win.  Fingers crossed for me please.

Victoria

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Long terms single - it sucks :(

I've always done things the hard way or the wrong way.  My parents and my family have always thought it and I totally agree.  One of the things I did the hard way was education and work. I was bright at school but left sixth form after three weeks due to bad subject choices for my A Levels, ending up at college doing a business admin course that I had no interest in.  This led to years upon years of working in endless mundane secretarial jobs, all of which I hated, but felt there was no escape from.  It was only when I reached 30 in 2005 that I realised it was now or never. I had to get out.  So I had a think what I may want to do and came up with working with children (I'd always been good with them.  In fact I had one of my own.  More of that later).  I sent my CV and a very well put together begging letter out to lots of nurseries and schools and finally St Hilda's School (a private school near my home) took pity on me.  I interviewed for a position in their 0-3 unit and, despite being told at the interview that I was going up against people with qualifications and experience (of which I had none in this field), I got the job.  After a year or so (and after studying for my NVQ Levels 2 and 3 whilst I worked), I moved into the school as a teaching assistant and got the bug.  I decided then and there that I wanted more and that I was going to be a teacher one day.  The only problem was that I do things the hard way don't I.  And therefore I didn't have a degree did I.  So to rectify that I applied to the Open University in 2008 and began the arduous task of completing an honours degree whilst working full time. It's been frustrating, time consuming, mentally exhausting and exciting all at the same time. During this period, I moved to another school in the same foundation in 2010, Sunny Hill House, and in May 2012, I submitted the final assignment for my BA (Hons) Open Degree.  As I write, I am nervously awaiting the results for this last module and my overall classification and I am hoping I do ok.  I am hoping this because, against all odds, I have managed to gain a place on the Graduate Teacher Programme commencing in September 2012.  I'm moving on again. So after two NVQ's and a degree, I am finally on my way to becoming a teacher.  It's been a long, difficult road to get to this point and the next path I take on the GTP will be even tougher.  I could have done my A Levels and done a teaching degree like most other sensible people but as I said, I do things the hard way.

Another area of my life that I manage to screw up at every turn is my love life.  I had my first proper boyfriend at 16 and then when I was 17 I met the father of my son.  He was 11 years older than me and my parents didn't approve.  In fact no one did.  Except me.  And him.  Anyway, I won't go into details but after almost 5 years I discovered I was pregnant at the age of 21.  Here's the hard way coming out again!  Things didn't work out between me and Mr 11 Years Older after that and myself and my son haven't seen him for over 11 years.  During those years, I had one other serious boyfriend who we lived with for several months but that didn't work out either and since then, I've been pretty much single.  And it sucks.  All my friends are either married or in relationships and most of them tell me I'm onto a good thing being single.  But people in relationships always say that because they envy the freedom.  The freedom would be all well and good if I had a great job with plenty of money but as yet I'm a struggling pauper who is desperate to make ends meet.  Thus meaning I can't do much with the freedom I have.  And freedom is great but it doesn't help you pay bills, wash up for you when you're tired after a long day, treat you to a nice meal out, cuddle up to you on the sofa or share the trials and tribulations of raising a child.  Don't get me wrong, my son is the best thing that's ever ever happened to me and I couldn't be prouder of him.  He's a wonderful boy and always has been.  He's kind, loving, intelligent and a good person.  And we've never missed that father figure being around due to his close relationships with both my dad and my late brother. But it must be nice to have someone to share parenting decisions with and not have to have all the responsibility of another person's future in your single hands.  Once again, I did things the hard way.  I had a baby very young and with the wrong person and it's been difficult.  But my son is just about the only thing in my life that I'm proud of and that I feel I've done well at so I wouldn't change things.  I just wish that I'd met someone, got married and had another child and this time done it the right way.  That's my only regret.  Because I'm 37 now and that's probably not going to happen.  And that makes me sad.

So maybe one day, I'll tell you about the other stuff I did the hard way.  Maybe not.  But hopefully this time next year, at the grand old age of 38 I'll be a fully qualified teacher.  And who knows, maybe one day the right man will come along.  My friends and family constantly tell me 'it'll happen' but I really am sick of waiting.  Mr Right, if you're out there, can you hurry up please.  I've paid my dues in the singles club and I really need my happy ending.  And after doing things the hard way for so long, I think I deserve it

Vicki

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The Hepworth Gallery, Wakefield

Today, I made my third trip in less than a year to The Hepworth Gallery in my home town of Wakefield.  Let me start by saying that I think it's fantastic to have something like this in Wakefield which is a place that really needs regeneration and modernisation. Although the building isn't hugely attractive from the outside, it does house some very interesting pieces and is a lovely way to spend a spare hour or two.  However, I was saddened to note, on this particular visit, that despite the free entry to the museum, parking has gone up to a flat fee of £4.50.  Granted you get five hours for this price but no one would ever spend that long at The Hepworth as you can easily get round it in an hour.  Thus, I think there should be options for one hour, two, three etc in order that you only pay for what you are using. Unfortunately for me, I had just put in my pin number to the machine (it takes cards now you know!) when a lovely lady came up to me saying she had almost four hours left on her ticket and did I want it (she obviously didn't need the ridiculous five hours in the gallery either!).  Sadly it was too late as my payment was going through but I thought that was a very kind gesture and she did manage to give it away to the next person who came along.  Once I had got over my trauma about the parking and finally got inside, I was not disappointed.  I enjoy wandering alone through the galleries and even though I know very little about art and sculpture, I know what I like and some of the pieces are beautiful.  It is also fascinating to learn more about the gallery's Wakefield born namesake, Barbara Hepworth whose life is told through various objects belonging to her and pieces of work in various stages of development.

Some of the galleries within The Hepworth remain constant whilst others change every few months or so.  This time, there was a very interesting collection of photographs and other work by artist Richard Long which I particularly enjoyed (this exhibition is in The Hepworth from 23rd June to 14th October).  I was also intrigued by the film that was being shown in the gallery made by 2012 Turner Prize nominee, Luke Fowler.  I cannot profess to have completely understood the concept but I can confirm that I was the only person who remained to watch the entire 1 hour film at its 11.10am showing.  I won't give too much away but I will say that if you are interested in the social history of West Yorkshire then you may find the film interesting.

I was really pleased to see a school party looking round the gallery today with a large group of children of around 9 or 10 years old all taking an interest in their surroundings and listening carefully to their guide.  Their teachers must have been really proud.

After you have finished taking in the art, The Hepworth has a lovely little shop and a restaurant which sells lovely coffee that I would highly recommend.  All in all, if you are looking for something to fill an hour or two of your day then you can't go far wrong with this little piece of culture which may seem out of sorts in a city filled with pound shops but has certainly earned its place in what is hopefully the start of a cultural revolution in the city of Wakefield.

You Tube

I have my own You Tube channel under the name 'missviccazwilk'.  There are a various videos on there that I have posted over the last year or so of myself messing around at home singing some of my favourite songs. Some have come out ok, others not so much, but they are all there for your viewing pleasure ;)

494 views later, I have no clue what most people think but hopefully a few people might like the odd one.  It is my intention to try and put a few more on there over the summer so I'll let you know as soon as I do.

Please have a look and don't be afraid to let me know what you think.  Unless you think they're all rubbish and then please keep your probably correct and very valid opinion to yourself in order to avoid bruising my fragile ego.

Thank you.

Victoria

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www.youtube.com/missviccazwilk

37 year old babysitter!!

Unfortunately, being a single parent and having a relatively low paid job as a teaching assistant for the past 6 years has meant that I have struggled for money for as long as I can remember.  Things are going from bad to worse in September when I begin the Graduate Teacher Programme as my already meagre salary is reduced by the unfortunate sum of at least £3,000 a year.  How will you manage you may ask.  The honest answer is I have no idea!

Therefore, I have taken several babysitting jobs over the past year in a vain attempt to gain some extra cash.  I have a few lovely people who take pity on me every few months and put the odd babysitting job my way.  Sadly, there is something quite sad about being a 37 year old babysitter but needs must I'm afraid.  And the kids and the parents I work for are lovely and generous, appreciating the fact that I can't work for the same as a 15 year old would.  Incidentally, when I was 15 I babysat every Friday for the grand total of £5.00 per night - I thought I was loaded!  I will not disclose my fee these days though in order to protect the privacy of my wonderful clientele.  Lets just say it's a bit more than my 15 year old self brought home each Friday.

However, the money I earn from this extra curricular activity isn't spent on shoes, handbags and bottles of Castaway like the £5.00 of old was.  This money gets put away for less interesting but sadly more necessary things such as car tax and supermarket shopping.  That's what happens when you're 37 and poor.

This poverty thing may not last forever.  Perhaps when I'm in my 40's and established as a teacher, I will, for the first time ever, be able to treat myself to nice things and go back to having my nails done and my eyebrows waxed.  The thing is, even if I do, I won't let down the people that have been so kind giving me these occasional babysitting jobs when I really need it.  If they need me, I'll still be there.  But this time, the money won't be spent on car tax and supermarket shopping.  It will be spent on shoes, handbags and bottles of..........a good quality dry white wine!  My Castaway days are definitely over :)

Victoria

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Vintage Life Magazine

Having been a long term enthusiast of vintage and classic films, music and fashion, I was thrilled, during the 2011 Christmas holidays, to finally discover the little bundle of joy that is Vintage Life Magazine.  The saying 'good things come in small packages' has never been more relevant than to describe this treasure chest of all things vintage.  Each issue is packed with fashion ideas, style tips, homeware, interviews, competitions and much much more.  There is something for fans of all vintage eras from 1920's flappers to 1980's disco divas and everything in between.  Vintage companies are well promoted and there are adverts for fayres, shops, online businesses and pop up stores to suit all tastes.  As a bit of a competition freak, one of my favourite things about the magazine is the abundance of competitions.  There are always fantastic prizes to be won and I have won three so far - the best by far being two tickets to see the ultimate vintage musical in the West End, Singing in the Rain which was amazing, despite the typical British weather on the day meaning we were 'singing in the rain' outside the theatre as well as in!!

As a reader of Vintage Life, I have learned how to make delicious cupcakes, discovered how to recreate my eye make up to look like a 1960's goddess, found cheap and natural ways of cleaning my house and discovered fascinating facts about legends such as classic movie costumer designer Edith Head and on screen superstars such as Gene Kelly - these being just a few of the wonderful things I've learned my few short months as a Vintage Lifer.

Having recommended the magazine to several of my vintage loving friends, I am attempting to create a role for myself as ambassador for this fantastic gem and each month I look forward to making the trip to WH Smith (the only stockist other than selected Sainsburys) to pick up my copy.  Everyone who is interested in anything vintage should certainly treat themselves to this wonderful magazine immediately.  Get down to WH Smith pronto.  You won't regret it

Victoria

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